(Post 196 of 263)

Thursday, Bonita started to decline, being lethargic in addition to her usual poor appetite. Her vet said to keep monitoring her and that he’d do a home visit on Sunday, but didn’t think it sounded like anything serious, maybe the dog equivalent of a cold.

Saturday evening before bed, she had a stroke or seizure. While that was very scary, she was orientated and back to being my dog within an hour, so I’m thinking seizure.

Her vet came on Sunday, and from the exam, he said she was likely on last days, as I must remember she was an old dog, but that he would start her on some meds to improve her circulation and stimulate her appetite, then have me keep monitoring her.

I’d seen this before many times in my life. It doesn’t matter if the being is canine, feline, or human, death announces itself the same way, looks the same, smells the same. She had an event early Saturday afternoon that had me calling the vet back to put her to sleep.

The call made, I bundled her up and went to the porch with her, rocking her as we did every night. Because she was going to sleep, I did our usual routine, only this time enveloped by a bright blue sky pillowed by fluffy white clouds instead of under an inky blanket of stars. I reminded her of what a good girl she is and how much she is loved. As always, I thanked for being my dog. All things I tell her every night just in case because we never know what a long night will bring to an old dog.

After a while she seemed to come back to herself for a moment, just long enough to gaze at me with those big chocolate eyes. She gave me a slow blink, dog for “I love you,” and I didn’t realise until that moment how much I needed one last slow blink from her. And then her eyes did that thing that all eyes do before death, and I knew she was gone even if her heart was still thumping against mine.

Dr. Pablo showed up then, cried a little with me, prepared her, gave me one final moment, and then it happened exactly as I wished it would for her, safe at home, without pain, in the arms of the one who chose to be her mommy when so many had refused her that role before. How miraculous that we came into our lives at exactly the right moment.

Of course, these things always happen on a Sunday, so whether I choose to bury her here or cremate her, I couldn’t do either yesterday as the former requires lime and shops were closed and the latter business was closed. So she is bundled in her favourite blankie, sealed up in a large bag, and sleeping in the deep freezer. How horrific that feels, but it’s also right, so that I can decide what I wish to do with her. My first thought was to bury her here, but I’m thinking long-term about the garden and I believe the night’s wisdom will tell me to choose cremation.

I’ve been a mom or a foster mom to a fur baby my entire adult life, 25 years. There was Herman, then Peggy, Samuel, Tabitha, and Neelix to say goodbye to. Then over four years there was, Mechka, Sausage, Pengue, Sassy, Charlie, Gray, Maggie, Leilu, another Charlie, and then Simone to mind and keep my heart busy. And then a stretch of loneliness the likes of which I had never known before until Bonita and I found each other.

I’m not going to say Bonita is going to be my last. I’m too young and have too much life ahead of me to say that for sure. But sitting with her last night and today, I found myself reflecting on who I’ve been as a pet parent. In some ways I was shite at it, but I think in the ways that really matter, I was a good mom. Like when Neelix died in October of ’13, I’m ready to take a break for a bit and see where a pet-less life takes me.

Bonita loved digging holes, cheese, and any treat in the shape of a stick. She had a cheerful disposition and a sense of humour most humans could learn from. She was brave, strong, and resilient, starting off as a dog who cowered at loud noises and strange people to one who was curious, won over anyone she met, and who liked to get underfoot and supervise when her domain was being modified. She was the perfect dog for me and I could not have asked for a better companion.

This one came up in my Facebook memories today. She was radiant.

She really did not care about food much, but never turned down a treat in the shape of a stick!

She might have been a cat in a former life. This was our post-work routine — I’d shut down and go sit for a bit to let her give me a bath.

One of my favourite pictures of her. You can see just how intelligent she was and connected with me.

She was a pro napper and knew that blankies could double as pillows.

One of our last moments together. I love that she learned to snuggle in her last weeks. Maybe she knew the end was coming.

Another favourite photo, one showing off her famous smile!

My guardian angel will keep looking over me as I work.

Thank you, sweet girl, and may flights of angels sing thee to they rest.

(Post 195 of 263)

I was stood up yesterday and today for the reno, so I reached out to the owner of the company to see what the heck was going on, to advise that there are a few issues with the paint and concrete that need to be addressed, and that I’m withholding funds until I see some of the big-ticket items that I paid for (cabinetry, sink, boiler).

Within an hour, the main contractor was here to deal with all the issues. He started going into detail about why I was stood up and I said that I really don’t care about why or even that there is a delay, I just don’t want to be stood up, especially now that my schedule is back to its normal levels of ludicrousness.

We then had a look at the concrete and paint issues. He agreed that the sink counter cracking was from the pounding as they were pulling out the rebar and he assures me that I won’t notice them when they’re done polishing. I have my doubts, but we’ll see. He said not to even think about paint at this point, but to plan on having a day where they guys are going to be standing by with a paint brush waiting for me to point them to areas that need work. So all of that is fine.

I also finally got a chance to see a hint of my cabinetry! He pulled out a sample of the wood, which was cedar, as promised. The stain he’d picked was fine. It wasn’t wow, but if he’d showed up with the cabinetry in that colour I would have been happy. He said he could go “up or down,” and I said that if it wasn’t too much work, I would like the colour just a titch darker to better match the island and sideboard, plus I think darker will offset some of that bright yellow. He said he can do that. We also had a look at the light switches that I want.

The plan is to do three full days next week, Tuesday, Wednesday, and then be done Thursday. I’m not holding them to that. 🙂

It’s nice to have a bit of a break. My cleaning fairy was here today so I get a lovely clean house for four days!

Back to work I go. I’m setting myself the goal of having the house all paid off by the end of the contract (18 months) rather than still having a couple three years to go on the mortgage. It’s not an unrealistic plan, but it will require discipline and my not doing any more renos! But I’m so renoed out that I think that’ll be easy. 🙂

(Post 194 of 263)

Finally ready for cabinetry and the electrician!

This was the first day that I really inspected as I know they are finishing up the paint and concrete work so it was the now-or-never moment to get nitpicky. There’s a ton of paint touch-ups to do.

I was pretty devastated to find a huge structural crack in my sink counter, which probably happened when they were cutting the rebar. So I need to address that today. I suspect it can be filled and will virtually disappear under the polishing, but I’m bracing myself for a “it’s no big deal” conversation.

All of the concrete is cracking, but I did my research before going WTF and learned that’s normal as the concrete dries and settles, so I’m not worried about that. I actually like the effect and can’t wait to see everything polished. I suspect the cracks are just going to add colour and texture. I’ve seen polished concrete in other people’s homes and I find it amazing that the current matte dusty finish is going to get so soft and shiny — maybe today!

(Post 193 of 263)

Concrete nearly done, priming nearly done, cleanup started!

Prepping for the backsplash behind my new small appliances counter.

Backsplash behind my new small appliances counter.

(Post 192 of 263)

Me: My knees hurt and are very stiff.

Canadian doctors in Quebec and Alberta: Lose at least 75 pounds and then you can whine about your knees. Until then, stop wasting our time.,

(Never could manage it because, as it turns out, I’ve never had anywhere close to 75 pounds to lose — why did I only learn this at age 40 in another country?!)

My Pilates teacher here: Are they f’ing morons? You don’t have enough excess weight for that to be the issue, not with how your legs are pure muscle. You have some kind of osteoarthritis. Ask your doctor about this medication. It’s stupid expensive, but I’ve seen it do miracles. You’re too strong for these exercises to be difficult and painful.

Doctor here (free consult through Whatsapp): Oh, I didn’t realise your knees hurt. Why were you afraid to ask for help with them? What? Wow, they’re really idiots and uncaring up there. Yep, try this stuff for three to four months.

Walmart pharmacist: Here’s how you can save $300 total on the first three boxes and then get the fourth box free.

Mexican healthcare is amazing. 🤩